


"Are You Single? I'm Asking For a Friend."

by thanks_for_the_existential_crisis



Series: The Gayvengers and Friends [2]
Category: Daredevil (TV), Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Because he's dead for a few minutes, Bisexual Matt Murdock, Blind Character, Cake, Canon Disabled Character, Canon-Typical Violence, Dorks in Love, Everyone Is Gay, Falling In Love, Happy Ending, He's only dead for a few minutes guys, Human Disaster Matt Murdock, Idiots in Love, M/M, Matt Murdock & Foggy Nelson Friendship, Matt Murdock Needs a Hug, Minor Angst, Pansexual Wade Wilson, Peter Parker is a Good Bro, Precious Peter Parker, Stress Baking, Temporary Character Death, Trans Peter Parker, Wade Wilson Dies, Wade Wilson is a Good Bro, but just for a minute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-01 22:18:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17252414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thanks_for_the_existential_crisis/pseuds/thanks_for_the_existential_crisis
Summary: Peter trying to be a good bro but Matt gets the wrong idea. It all works out in the end though."You're a minor. I am not a pedophile. Sorry, I don't think this is going to work out.” The kid positively squeaked, “N-no! No its just-I-my friend...oh god no!”...Spiderman stumbled over his words for a few minutes before he finally stops and breathes. Then he manages to actually use full sentences. “It's just, I have this friend who thinks you're cute right?"





	"Are You Single? I'm Asking For a Friend."

**Author's Note:**

> First work of 2019! Okay. So. We have some profanity in here. As usual. A mention of pedophilia but no gross details. Some injuries/temporary dying. Matt is also a little mean in the beginning but that's eh.

      Apparently, Spiderman is _incapable of leaving Matt alone_ after a short team up that only happened because Spiderman stumbled into Hell's Kitchen on a lead. Which is how he finds out that Spiderman is a _fucking child_ with _h_ _omework to do that night._

      But does that stop the kid from bugging him? No. No it does not. Him ignoring the kid doesn't throw him off. Him being rude. Him being borderline cruel. Him trying to slip away. The kid is a _parasite_ and _will not let go._ So, eventually, he stops trying. He just stops moving and turns to face the kid which, wow, shocked the brat into silence, okay, noted, useful.

      “Look spiderkid, what do you need?”

      “Spider _man_.”

      Matt lets his lack of response imply the _yeah fucking right._

The kid sighs, “Are you dating someone?”

      “You're a minor. I am not a pedophile. Sorry, I don't think this is going to work out.”

      The kid positively _squeaked_ , “N-no! No its just-I-my friend...oh god no!”

      Matt sighed, “ _What_ do you _want?”_

Spiderman stumbled over his words for a few minutes before he finally stops and breathes. Then he manages to actually use full sentences.

      “It's just, I have this friend who thinks you're cute right? I mean, he can only see half your face cause, mask. But still. He says you're cute and likes your ass. And he really looks up to you because of all the stuff you do for Hell’s Kitchen. Before he heard about you and saw you in action he was already doing better than he has in the past but I think your morals kind of helped with that too? Like, made it easier for him to kick his bad habits? So, I figured, while I'm here I'll just see if he has a chance, you know? That's why I asked. Not for me. You're way too old for me. Gross dude. And I already have a datemate so, again, no.”

      Matt just gaped silently before managing, “The hell is a datemate?”

      “Oh! It's like boyfriend or girlfriend but gender neutral! They're nonbinary so.”

      Matt nods because, yeah, okay. He's heard that that's a thing. Not feeling like a man or a woman.

      “Sooooo… Are you single?”

      Matt's brain isn't fully functional yet because of the onslaught a few minutes prior, so he just nods without really thinking.

      “Great! I won't, like, tell him that in case you're not into guys, but I am going to stop telling him you might be taken every time he mentions you! Bye!”

      And Spiderman is gone and Matt has no idea what the hell just happened.

*******

      It's two weeks later when Matt meets Deadpool. Deadpool who smells like sickness and pain. Deadpool who is apparently trying to convince himself that he shouldn't kill someone? Out loud? What? So, Matt makes his way over to him and, glowering, asks what he's doing in Hell’s Kitchen.

      “Oh! Daredevil! Hi! I'm a huge fan of your work. I think it's great how you mercilessly beat the criminals! Especially when it gets you the information you need! Really helped me out Double D. Showed me a whole new way to do things. No unaliving needed! Thanks! I'm here because my buddy, Spidey, and I were working on this kidnapping together but he was doing his web slinging thing and I lost the little bugger! But that's alright he'll find me when he can or I'll find him. What are you up to this fine evening?”

      This is worse than Spiderman. And Spiderman is still to come apparently. Matt sighs. This is going to be an awful night.

      Speak of the devil.

      “Deadpool, there you are! Oh you met Daredevil. Awesome! Did you introduce yourself?”

      “He did not introduce himself.”

       “I tend to forget so Spidey here reminds me. I'm Deadpool, nice to meet you. I used to be a mercenary but I stopped doing that when Spidey explained why its wrong and invited me to patrol with him. Did you know unaliving people is wrong even if they're baddies? I sure didn't!”

      Matt is speechless. Partially because he can't comprehend what exactly is happening. And partially because he can't help but connect this conversation to his last talk with Spiderman. But he can't stay speechless. He has too much to clear up. So.

      “Spiderman. I hope you realize the repercussions if this man kills anyone in Hell’s Kitchen.”

      “He won't kill anyone! I promise. He's been working on it really hard. He hasn't killed in months! I'm really proud of him. Everyone deserves a second chance.”

      Matt nods and turns to listen when he picks up the sounds of a mugging nearby. As he leaves he hears a whispered conversation behind him, “Spidey, do you _see_ that ass? A work of art!”

      “Shhh! Deadpool I'm pretty sure he has enhanced hearing!”

      “Oh. Well. Then he’ll know he's got a nice ass.”

*******

      Two days later and Deadpool crashed through the door leading to Matt's roof holding an unconscious Spiderman. As Matt is in the middle of changing out of his suit into pajamas. So. Fuck life.

      Deadpool is rushing down the stairs calling out, “If anybody's home I just need a first aid kit! Not here to hurt y-" he freezes, “Oh fuck!” Deadpool turns around quickly his heart beating double time. Matt can’t blame him. His heart is doing something similar. But it's fine. Everything is fine. All fine.

      “ _So_ sorry superbro! I didn't really see much..? But Spidey got hurt so I just picked a random apartment! Didn't mean to catch you out of your mask! I won't tell anyone where you live or what you look like or anything. Promise.”

      Matt can tell he isn't lying so he just sighs and goes to get his first aid kit, “You can set him on the couch, I'll be right back.”

      Matt brings out the kit and kneels next to the couch. He hands the kit to Deadpool who had been looking over whatever wounds Spiderman has.

      “Thanks.”

      “No problem. He going to be alright?”

      A nod and then he starts taking care of the wounds so Matt stays quiet next to him. Deadpool talks to himself (Himself? Someone else? Matt can’t really tell.) quietly throughout the entire thing but Matt tries to focus on Spiderman to give him some privacy. After Spiderman is taken care of Deadpool is awkward and Matt can tell he's trying not to look at him to preserve what may be left of his secret identity but there's no use. He knows where he lives. Its too late for that. So.

      “You can look at me. Its fine. Not like I have much of a secret anymore anyways.”

      “Sorry about that again-yes white I am actually sorry, he wears a mask for a fucking reason-I really did pick a random door. Had no idea.”

      “Its fine.”

      He can tell when Deadpool looks at him because he hears his head turn and then, is that arousal? Yes. It is. He likes what he sees. Well. Alright.

      “Wow, um, you're like insanely pretty-I know he's handsome yellow, of course he is, duh-I knew you would be attractive but I did not realize how _pretty_ you would be.”

      Matt blinks and blushes and since when was he blushing because someone finds him attractive? It's been years since he's blushed. He doesn't blush. He's Daredevil. Daredevil doesn't _blush._ But, well, Deadpool is endearing in his rambling honesty, he supposes.

      “Oh man! Dude, I'm sorry. Your couch isn't looking so hot. It's got spider blood all over it.”

      Matt grins at him and gestures to his eyes, “I assure you, I won't notice it. Once I've cleaned it it won't even smell too strongly.”

      “What? Oh.”

       Its silent for a few moments and Matt braces himself for a negative reaction but there's only a whispered, “He’s _hella_ badass White.”

       Then Deadpool promptly launches into a rant about sexism and ableism in superheroes and vigilantes. When Matt starts laughing Deadpool freezes and trails off a bit. But he just can't help himself. This situation is just so entirely outrageous. This is definitely not how Matt expected to spend the rest of his evening. He doesn't actually think he minds though. No. This is nice. This man found out where he lives and what he looks like and immediately promised not to tell anyone. And then, when Matt mentions he's blind there’s no questioning. No disbelieving. No “but are you really?” or “How do you do it?” Just acceptance. It's refreshing and fills Matt's chest with warmth.

      “I'm...I'm sorry,” Matt is just trying to calm the laughing down, “It's just...an hour ago my life was a routine. But now there's a vigilante bleeding on my couch that isn't me and another vigilante educating me about social injustice.”

      “That's all good Double D!”

      Matt nods and smiles at him then tries to ignore the way Deadpool’s heart speeds up a bit in response.

      “I'm Wade.”

      Matt blinks at him for a moment before, “Matt.”

      “Nice to meet you Matt!”

      Right after Wade says that Spiderman groans and starts trying to sit up so Wade's focus moves to him.

      “Spidey, you took some nasty hits, just lay there for a bit longer.”

      “DP? Where..? Where are we?”

      Spiderman’s words are slurring a bit and his voice is scratchy. Matt would be more worried if he didn't know he had an amazing healing factor.

      Spiderman is silent for a few minutes so Matt gets up and starts putting the first aid supplies away. When he does Spiderman startles and sits up.

      “...’Pool who the hell's that?”

      “The owner of this fine apartment Spidey! He let us use up his bandages and shit when I broke in.”

      “What?! Broke in? Deadpool. Breaking and entering is _bad."_

      Matt tunes out their bickering and focuses on getting some water and an apple for the kid bleeding out on his couch. He honestly isn't sure when his life turned into this but he also isn't sure he actually minds that much. So he's got two people from one part of his life bleeding over into the other? One isn't going to tell and the other hasn't realized. Somehow. The Dardevil mask and top are sitting on the floor where he left them. So. Spiderman might notice that eventually. But instead of worrying about that he brings the water and apple over with a quiet, “Here you go.” Then he goes into his bedroom to grab his shirt. Once he's dressed he tunes back into the men in his living room. And just in time it seems. ‘Spidey’ has been awake long enough to begin making observations.

     “Wade. Is that Daredevil’s mask over there?”

      “I dunno baby spider, is it?”

      “Stop calling me that! I'm not that young!”

      That is the most petulant Matt has ever heard another human being sound in his life.

      “Aww babycakes! That pout is precious!”

      “Wade, you're a prick.”

       Deadpool gasps loudly, “From the mouths of babes!”

        And that sounds like Spiderman shoved Wade onto the floor. So Matt walks back into the living room with a smile on his face.

      “Don’t break the coffee table please. I'll never hear the end of it if I need help picking another one.”

      “Oh um sorry. About everything. The B&E and the bleeding and all that.”

      Matt just stares in his direction silently. He can tell it makes Spiderman nervous but honestly. This kid is just too precious. And unbelievable.

      “Spiderman. Did you actually just apologize for things that you weren't even conscious for?”

      Wade laughs as Spiderman stumbles and stutters for a few moments.

*******

      It turns into a routine after that. At least once every few weeks after patrol Deadpool will drag in a beaten Spiderman or Spiderman will carry in a beaten Deadpool. After a few months of patching each other up and hanging out Matt nearly has a heart attack when Spiderman nonchalantly carries in Deadpool’s dead body.

      “No no! Its okay! He heals like, a lot! He'll be fine!”

      “Oh, well. As long as he heals I suppose him _dying_ is fine.”

      “Sarcasm dude. Its unnecessary,” Spiderman sets Wade on the couch and follows Matt into the kitchen.

      Matt starts to get things out of the fridge. His only plan for the night now being to stress bake. Its fine though. He's fine.

      “Are you okay?”

      Matt ignores Spiderman and continues to set up things for baking a cake.

      “Hey, dude, are you alright?”

      “I'm fine! Why wouldn't I be fine? I'm totally fine.”

      Matt hears Spiderman sigh and sit down, “I'm freaking out too but I guess I've gotten used to it enough to function. You know, the first time this happened I was basically sobbing over his body until he woke up and said something. Scared me half to death. He really will be alright.”

      “I don't know why I'm freaking out like this.”

      “Really dude? You are so oblivious. You two have been flirting for like a month now. I'm not surprised you care so much.”

      “We have _not_.”

      “Um, yeah, you have. It's really cute.”

      Matt ignored him and sets the temperature on the oven so it can preheat.

      “Oh my god. Do you stress bake?”

      “Don't take the Lord's name in vain,” he pulls a mixing bowl out of the cabinet.

      “Well, have fun with your baking. I'll be in the living room, okay?”

      Some people would have said that as an opportunity for a dig but Spiderman is actually sincere. How does this child become a vigilante? Matt starts mixing the ingredients for his cake. It's going to be red velvet.

*******

      A couple hours later and the cake is baked, cooked, and frosted. So now he cleans the kitchen. And thinks.

      Has he been flirting with Wade? He didn't think he was. But he has been, hasn't he? Not in the way he learned in college that Foggy called ‘smooth’ but in a real, joke filled way. Well. That's a development. Okay. So.

      “Hey! It's our devil buddy! And he has cake! This is like waking up in heaven. But it's not! Because I can't die. Ha.”

      “Wade? You're up already?”

      “Yup. Never stay dead too long. Usually it's just-”

      “Wade. No. Remember what we talked about? You at least have to let people get used to the idea of it happening before you talk like that.”

      “Oh yeah. Sorry.”

       Matt cannot believe this is his life. He's really gotten to the point that he's stress baking because the slightly murderous vigilante/mercenary that he likes can die for small periods of time. This is God testing him. He can't say he really minds this test though. It's not so bad. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: This story started with, 
> 
> "Are you single?" 
> 
> "Sorry kid, I'm not a pedophile." 
> 
> "Oh my god no! Not like that! My friend likes you!" 
> 
> And evolved from there. So.


End file.
